Ew, I'm a grownup part 2

You never realize how many accounts need your address until you have to change them. One step closer. And a thousand boxes scattered about my apartment.

Also, how great has this weather been? Chilly and crisp and Autumnal!!!!! It really just went from 100 + degrees to straight fall. I love every moment of it. The cool breeze, the smell of it, the fact that you feel chilly when you slip out from under the covers. Deliciously awesome.

And on the last note of this disjointed post, Graduate School Application Essays are a killer to write and edit.

Holy Jabeebus

3 weeks from tomorrow I'll be living in a new place. No more Conshohocken. Hello moving back to Philadelphia. Goodbye apartment. Hello house. See you later, living alone. Hi, boyfriend. Toodaloo, 20 minute back roads commute to work. Howdy 40 minute Turnpike trip. So excited. So nervous. So ready.

To the fungus among us.

I have been obsessively reading the blog Mark Reads Harry Potter (http://markreadsharrypotter.buzznet.com/user/) Mark is now in the 5th book (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix), and has just encountered my most-hated literary character ever. I posted a comment on buzznet regarding this character and have decided to repost it here. So enjoy:


"Ah, Dolores Jane Umbridge. The reason I made sure to sign up for buzznet because I knew I could not continue reading MRHP without engaging in the conversation about this evil bitch. (Let's just go for it).

In a previous entry, the talk of comparing the Harry Potter scenarios with political climates and actions that are happening around wherever you are occurred. In fact, Mark made the connection to the presidency of George W. Bush. This book for me is total "No Child Left Behind ." A government official comes in, basically reads from a script to prepare students for a test. A test that will determine their future. And she will not deviate from what was Ministry approved. God forbid that these students become competent in the everyday application of what they are learning. It doesn't really matter as long as they achieve high marks at the end of the year O.W.L.s.

Dolores Jane Umbridge makes me RAGE as a person who loves learning, who loves the characters in this series (Hi, I'm still hoping at the age of 25 that I will get an owl with the opportunity for a Continuing Education class at Hogwarts night school where I will be given a wand and the ability to learn spells that will make my kitchen cook dinner for me), and also an an educator. I am a special education teacher (school starts Monday, woot, woot!) who luckily gets to be creative and not always teach to the test. I am proud to say that I focus more on student comprehension and life skills rather than what the results will be on the modified standardized tests that are given. It hurts my heart when I see Umbridge because she may be an exaggeration of things going on in schools, but she really isn't that far from quite a few people I've seen in the classroom.

Ok, I must end this here since I feel like Hermione turning in 3 feet of scroll instead of the 1 and a half assigned. stepping off my soapbox now.

Mark, get ready. Umbridge is about to make you as ALL CAPS as pubescent Harry."

A very bipolar feeling.

I have been feeling very hung out to dry at work as of late. Nothing major, and I still love working in my classroom, with the people I work with, and the students who consume my life, but, whew!, what a week.

This week has been full of ups and downs: major behavioral meltdowns (I read the riot act more than once this week) accompanied by breakthrough moments (Seriously,kid, you understood the English social script about saying excuse me after passing gas? Bathroom humor is the universal language.).

This summer all of my grad school applications go out. For real. I can not stay in the position I am in at work and do all of the work that I do and stay unrecognized for it. It is time to suck up all the opportunities possible from this place I am in now and then move on.

This is a Dear John letter

Dear John,

I am updating due to your request. I know that I have been a less than stellar blogger as of late, but here I am now! So, Johnahandro, this post's for you!

Love, as always,
Me.

So folks, over a month later, the paper struggles have ended. The results? 21 pages and an A!!!! I am beyond thrilled. I had many weeks of not sleeping well, and dreams of various educational programs dancing through my head, and more than a few freak outs (Sorry, John).

The results of turning in the paper and receiving a grade that resulted in me yelling, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSORRYPEOPLELIVINGUPSTAIRSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!" has not exactly resulted in me relaxing but in me crashing. As of this moment I am fighting the urge to get in pajamas and go to bed. So hopefully I will be writing a little more in the future now that my fingers are not otherwise occupied by this ginormous paper. So until next time! :)

Dress season is nearly upon us!

The weather has considerable perked up around here (except for, of course, yesterday, today, and tomorrow in which the area is predicted to get somewhere between 2.5-4 inches and flood like crazy because there are still 3 feet snow drifts everywhere). Seasonal allergies have already started up, windows have been cracked, and I have even dared to open up the left door of my closet to reveal the most gorgeous sight: dresses. I forgot how many I owned. And how colorful they are. And soft. And pretty. And how in love with them I am.

Seriously, is there anything better than dress season? You can throw on ONE piece of clothing with flats, heels, whatever, and people think you actually put effort into your appearance. One. Piece. Of. Clothing. Heavenly.

On the flip side, I am having the utmost trouble writing this paper. I do not know where to begin. I am at the moment trying to describe the differences between various educational programs available for persons on the Autism Spectrum. This is like trying to explain the difference between mauve and fuchsia to a person who is blind and has no concept of purple or red. The vast intricacies between the programs, and the overlaying, glaring similarities is making this quite the feat. I wish I could just write a paper on what my days are like at work:

On Friday, I prevented a major meltdown by allowing a student to work for the computer at the end of the morning instead of the afternoon because it was a half day. Thursday, I was bitten twice and essentially punched in the head because I would not allow a student to watch any more television at the moment. I also had to sit in the bathroom with another student to monitor whether said student had a bm or not because the parents would like this recorded and reported on a daily basis. Also, we made St. Patrick's Day crafts and there were 20 minutes in which everyone was on task and it was quiet.

Somehow I don't think that would gain me any sort of academic credibility...

There's nothing like being half naked with your coworkers on a February afternoon...

Yesterday was the community outing to beat all community outings (Community Outings are like field trips in Autistic Support. Only they are used as moving teachable lessons, like how to act appropriately in a variety of places such as museums, restaurants, and shopping malls). We went swimming at the middle school.

That's right, folks, it was bathing suit season. In February. With my coworkers. And students. At a pool owned by the school district I work for. Awkward. Even more awkward when you factor in all of the nudity. My students have no shame. They are not embarrassed by their bodies. They know that they are to get undressed and dressed in a locker room, so that's what they do. In front of you. I have never averted my eyes so many times in my life. And it seemed that the only safe place was to look at the ceiling, which really doesn't help when you have to either a) help someone into their swimsuit, b) monitor hands, or c) walk around the locker room without running into anyone or anything. Yikes. (And, of course, a few of the guys ventured from the boys' locker room with a *liiiiiiiiitlle* less than what they should have been wearing. Luckily there were 2 wonderful male staff members of the middle school who took care of that problem) Once all the students and most of the staff were dressed in their bathing finery, it was time for the swimming to begin!

Now as you may have assumed, if you get a substantially large group of women together to go swimming (especially in February when there is a good 3-4 feet of snow on the ground outside), you have a large amount of body issues. The running joke of the day was, "Close your eyes and when you hear the splash of me hitting the water, you can open them again." I wore my "Mom Suit" that I purchased a few years back when I went to camp with a 16-year-old girl with Autism. It's a one piece black bathing suit with whit trim that covers EVERYTHING that anyone would even kinda, maybe, sorta want to see. I also wore shorts over my bathing suit. And I took the plunge (figuratively in actually wearing a bathing suit, and literally into the indoor pool).

The day was hilarious. The middle school students go swimming every Friday, so they were old pro's at this game. They showed off their aquatic moves, and a few of the guys even treated us to a diving lesson (lots of belly flops). It was awesome to see how at ease and adventurous they are in the water! And how tall they are getting to be! My students were a bit of a mix- some were afraid to go into the water (success at sitting with your legs dangling over the edge!), loved the water but refused to get their heads wet, or full on splashing and dunking themselves. The younger guys were gung-ho!

All in all, the kids had a great time, I got a pretty good workout, and we all spent the rest of the day with crazy hair! See, kids? We love you guys so much we'll look like drowned rats for the rest of the day just for you!

I am very stimulating/ my presence causes some kids to stim

I am currently part of a brand new everlasting loop of verbal stim for one of my students. It goes like this:
"Hi, Ms. F."
"Hi, Student's Name."
"Hi, Ms. F."
"Hi, Student's Name."
"Hi, Ms. F."
"Hi, Student's Name."
"Hi, Ms. F."
"Hi, Student's Name."
"Hi."
"Hi."
Student gives me a crazy big eyed look while inhaling through his nose, and walks away. While I am thrilled that he is finally coming up to people to say hello on his own, this craziness has to end.

I'm chalking part of the emerging behavior up to the insane barometric pressure we've had going on around here. We are in the midst of the 2nd Nor'easter in less than a week! This has left my students feeling and acting a little crazier than usual. I can't even tell you how many times I had to look at 6ABC's local doppler radar on the computer since Monday. Upside? I feel like I'm in a snow globe as I sit in my apartment with the window shades pulled up.

To leave you with another giggle worthy story of work (and one of the reasons I love the literal minds of people with autism): Yesterday (Tuesday), as we were all in our packing up routine to get everyone ready for their various bus and parent pickup lines, one student began to escalate in agitated behavior. Now this student had been like a taut rubber band all day. He was so excited about the snow he could barely control himself and had been acting out all day (major attention seeking and escape behavior). One of his favorite things to do is yell, "How loud is?!?!?!?" and slam a chair or some other object onto the ground or a table repeatedly. Not exactly the most fun thing to try to squash while in the library with his homeroom. Now, this student was packing up when one of my coworkers turned her back on him and took two steps away. He immediately gets "that look" and I called his name. My coworker says, without turning around, "Student, knock it off. I know what you're going to do. I have eyes in the back of my head." She then turns to look at him. he looks at her like she has 4 heads and walks behind her to look at the back of her head. He then goes back to packing up, looks at the two of us, turns his back to us and yells, "I can't see anything! How does Mrs. Teacher do that?!?!?" He really was convinced she has extra eyes in the back of her head.

Enjoy the snow and stay safe out there!

Finally

BBC news- Lancet accepts MMR study 'false'

P.S. If you haven't seen it, rent and watch Phoebe In Wonderland. Moving without being preachy. Just a very compelling story.

And my heart is still and I've got the will/ And I don't really feel so mean

I'm having trouble separating myself from my work. The emotional experiences I have there are following me home. It is becoming increasingly difficult due to less staffing this year in the classroom and the fact that I am taking a night class that involves me writing about my job. Autism is consuming my life.

I am not doing enough things for myself. I am not seeing my friends enough. I am eating too much junk and not enough fruit and veggies. I am letting this overwhelming sense of sadness and complacency sit on my chest. This can not be. This will not be. Resolution time- I MUST make more time for me. I MUST make it to yoga or pilates. I MUST sing in the car more.

So to help me find the good and humor in my job, I will end on a funny note. About a week ago I was in 5th grade phys. ed. with one of my students. The HPE teacher explains the rules of the game while the class sits "pretzel style" (cross legged) on the gym floor. I ask my student if he understood the rules or wanted me to explain them again. He looks at me and rips one. The loudest fart (passed gas? flatulence?) I have ever heard in my life. It sounded like a sound effect from a bad movie, and I am fairly certain the floor vibrated. About 10 kids whipped their heads around, bug-eyed and giggling. It was all I could do not to laugh. But I think that sufficiently answered my question. Well played, young one, well played.

Listening to: "Brand New Day" - Van Morrison

"I had to deal with more than JUST Autism this week."

Just Autism? JUST Autism? Sheesh. That's when I know people have not had the immense joy and heartbreak of loving and working with people with Autism.

To say it briefly, it has been a long week. I have definitely dipped well into my funds of patience (running out on my daily allotments and being too frazzled to tuck into my reserves), not giggled enough, or had as many hearty laughs as I usually do in these past few days. I need to figure out a way to communicate that there is a better way to say, "Hey! I missed you while you were out sick!" than slamming a door in a person's face, telling said person you hate them and will turn into an x-men to kill said person with your powers, and pulling behavior you haven't done in over a year. Dude, I love you and missed you, too. Next time, let's just draw a picture of swings in perspective and chat about how much you love "pop donuts" so much and want to listen to Beyonce.

Quizzo at my high-school last night. Always strangely wonderful to be with people you liked when you were 13 and still like now at 25, enjoying some sanctioned drinking in the gym, while your former disciplinarian hugs you and dances by the bleachers with you and your friends. We certainly did not come in first, but we were not in last place so that calls for a victory!

Another friend reunion today followed by seeing John for the first time since Tuesday. It feels like years since I've seen him instead of days. I know functional love in a relationship means being able to operate independently of each other and with each other, but I never expected to miss someone the way I miss him. I am unsure of our plans this evening since we have 3 different options and I am in the throws of an extended illness (ah, the hazards of working in an elementary school).

I am also fighting off the very potent craving for a puppy. I know rationally that a puppy would be a bad idea (and not fair to the pup), but the part of me that has been beat up and sad for a little while now really just needs a furry little bundle of energy and joy with soft ears and puppy smells and teeth to wriggle around in my arms and chase a tennis ball with reckless abandon. Perfectly reasonable, I think.